Afternoon family/ update time 3.45pm on Tuesday the 17th ……

Hey family , It’s hard to put in words what I feel , but today it is for so many reasons. I start my new therapy next Tuesday. I am scared and excited all at the same time , my whole functions in life so far has been dealing with chaos and after the therapy my mind will know peace .

It is something new and so positive my mind is screaming yes , and yes it is a yes it begins. To be honest I am worried about the positive outcome for once lol.

I am at no cross road just a straight line , it feels good to be able to have a chance to explore such ventures. Rewind time and the reminder says nothing more than stop and only the play button works. No one can prepare you for what you have been dreaming of which is 24hours of a better lifestyle . The therapy will not eliminate everything but the trauma will be reduced and I can take in more things by this time.

This is my time to finally make peace with myself , in some ways I know tears will fall but I will finally be able to take in myself , my demon which is me. My chance to fix my heart and be okay with the constant fight drizzling to a conversation.

Having the potential of a semi normal life , not cured but more relaxed and able to process things without waiting 24 hours. I like to be known for myself but not for personal gain just as an example that change can happen no matter how little or big it is. the courage it takes to face yourself is the hardest journey.

I feel embraced but still I imagined doubt but there is none , I am ready to let it go and I no longer need to be labeled , I will have bpd and my chronic illnesses but the end result will boost me as a person, I came up with an idea for a tattoo

  1. As a child i was broken but as a person I walk passed you
  2. What i become is my creation
  3. My heart broke , my soul stood up

They are a few ideas , they are cool , I am coming up with good thoughts lately , but all things aside , I am like a kid at a candy store , just waiting to pick what chocolate I want.

I hope you are all good , Sorry for my silence but I have been busy with other things.

I have a you tube channel I will give you the address , your support would be awesome.

luv

addy

 

 

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Creations

A shared secret is a moment of eventual happy endings

Today being daylight

Tonight I pull the shades

Don’t stop

Just explore

I trust my

I judged an hour it took hours more than a few

I am happy by morn

It’s Monday something suspicious

My smile is a give away

My eyes roll

My hold

My twists of movements

That roll all night long

Myself and I never having to remember names

Your just a figure during the day

My hollow routine filled with excitement and fun

A love for the midnight comings of a show only I have

I view it when I want

Pretty notions

Blown the brain cells with sleep

A love of no covers and wet skin

Hosting a great adventure I lead by example

Lol

Beyond the mist of morn

I wake with the bed a mess

Naughty me

Bad dreams maybe

Alone I see the sun and a recording of sounds and screams

Horror movie lol just me

You want commitment trust me set me free

The night is the moons light a shadow of many

Swimming in water

The slippery water over skin

The dip in a pool

The eight ball said yes to me

No friends no lovers

Just my voices and moans

Eating too much chocolate

Down down we go til sleep calls

Obscene messes of delicious goodness

Lol better than anything anyone can try and give me

Lol maybe for now

What is beyond

I am beyond alone in the dark

My mind speaks with silent tones

My twist of hips and thighs

My phone rings

At midnight to check on me

My name screams attention

My heart verses a suggestion

I wanna be free

And no eyes on me

Late at night the tv

Recording and seeing visually

On the side of the bed my batteries

My mess by day is my nights events

My fast thinking covers me

I grab the tv remote

And say I was watching tv and my batteries died

Would you believe me or would you think I lied

Lol

Empty rooms

Breaking the bones

Breaking a sound barrier of yourself

Self knowledge

Cuts through you like tension with a knife

My confidence, fighting for air

Do I have permission to take it in

I verse a stand a statement that is missed by my heart

I just become myself

I just become more than I am prepared for

My empty rooms

Inside my head

I am blind

I am kind

Sorry what was your name

I am part of something I don’t want

The world

Because I was simply born

I choose my mind and space

I wonder if I am free what are you

A sin of god

A face of lies because the truth scare you

Decide what you are

To be a figure nothing more

A day I was never born

I wonder

What a wonderful thought

I called your name

Namesake but it’s blind